One Liners Are Fantastic
When someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown. But it takes only 4 muscles to extend your arm and whack them in the head.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Punctual people have nothing better to do.
If love is blind, why are there so many lingerie shops?
Virginity - you use it, you lose it.
House work is something you do that nobody notices unless you don't do it.
Always try to do things in chronological order; it's less confusing that way.
My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
Friends come and go, enemies accumulate.
The best way to make a long story short is to stop listening.
If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible?
Beauty is only a light switch away.
What do you get when you cross Lee Iaccoca with a vampire? autoexec.bat
What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way?
The one thing children wear out faster than their shoes is parents.
How do you know when you're in the middle of nowhere?
Most people gain weight by having intimate dinners for two...alone.
Diets are for women who not only kept their girlish figure but doubled it.
It's always darkest before you step on the cat.
It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong.
Your conscience may not keep you from doing wrong, but it sure keeps you from enjoying it.
Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
Be careful what rut you choose. You may be in it the rest of your life.
The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
When you see the handwriting on the wall, you can bet you're in a public restroom.
Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it.
A closed mouth gathers no feet.
Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it ain.
A baby-sitter is a teenager acting like an adult while the adults are out acting like teenagers.
Madness takes a toll - carry exact change.