We Abide By The Laws

I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts!

Laws We Live By

Laws

  1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.
  2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.
  3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.
  4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.
  5. Law of the Alibi  - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.
  6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time)
  7. Law of the Bath -  When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.
  8. Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
  9. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.
  10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
  11. Law of the Theatre - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.
  12. Starbucks Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
  13. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.
  14. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.
  15. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.
  16. Brown's Law of Physical - Appearance If the shoe fits, it's ugly.
  17. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.
  18. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.
  19. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.