May 17th And The Gang Has Assembled; The True Story (Page Two)
The real story is below...you are warned that secrets are revealed and we did NOT protect the innocent...in our group, NO ONE is innocent! Enjoy!
It's that day…the day of our our annual pilgrimage to the Holy Island Of Romance and Dance where we pay homage to the God's of the Dance! ON a year, third Friday, we expose ourselves.....to great dangers....as we take on the Pacific Ocean in a tiny vessel to pay our respects to the God's of Dance who live in the Great Casino in Avalon. We have done this for seventeen years...ever since the God;s of the 1930's took up residence in the Casino!
Our chaperone's arrived first to capture a table for the elderly to use
Yes, we begin our sacred journey with 2,000 horses beneath us parting the sea with a mighty roar. We are blessed on the journey by occupying the Commodore Lounge, a holy spot with beautiful maidens who serve concoctions to delight the discriminating pallet.
We occupy the seats adjacent to the glass barriers only to spot the holy island first and announce the sighting by wiggling wildly in our seats!
Gliding over the water, drinking of the sacrificial wine (and occasional stronger libations) we peer westward toward the Sacred Island looking for signs of the holy temple sometimes called The Casino.
Much like it's associate, Brigadoon, the Holy Island appears to us once a year! Within three days is leaves for a year.
The journey is very meaningful for those of us of the faith even though it lasts for a mere 65 minutes filled with indescribable dangers. Today was especially dangerous as the God's Of Dance provided "small boat warnings" in the channel. We apparently did NOT drink enough sacrificial wine to satisfy the Wave Gods and they showed their anger by lashing our trusty steed with mountainous waves of frigid seawater.
Not to be deterred, and to develop the storyline, I swam out 50 feet from our trusty (oops, rusty) transportation and snapped this historic image… soon to become a sacred relic of the 17th annual rite of passage to the Sacred Island and Holy Temple Of Dance.
Women and children (plus and Bob) cried at the fury let loose on us this day!
An hour into our adventure, we spotted the Sacred Island and the Holy Temple Of Dance, sometimes referred to as "The Casino" where on Saturday night, should we make it to the island alive, we pay homage by dancing uncontrollably and moving rhythmically to the heavenly angelic music of yesteryear.
Our destiny awaits us high atop the Temple of Dance!
The God's of Dance apparently like us as our mighty steed pulled into the islands anti-room (sometimes referred to as "dock") where we debark onto the Sacred Island to make our way to the Pilgrims Holding Facility (sometimes called The Villa Portofino Inn), the magical home for wondering pilgrims and host to us for the past seventeen years!
The walk is a death defying experience filled with dangers including obese overweight sunbathers with bikini's and speed-o's
Once we arrived, we sallied forth, trading our hard earned alms for nightly protection from the elephants (oops, I meant elements) at the Pilgrims Holding Facility.
Bob cleverly negotiated with the local tribesmen and exchanged his alms for a large broom closet adjacent to a port a-potty!
Of course, the trek, the dangers, and the threats of pirates made us all thirsty so Bob and I mounted a small expedition to the Fountain Of Delights (sometimes called Von's Market) where we traded more alms for such delicacies as cheese, Brussel sprouts, onion dip, chips, and of course sacred beer and wine!
Many of the pilgrims joined us in this sacred endeavor…depleting the alcoholic inventory is a necessity we must try to endure…and endure we did…Hic!! Burp! Belch!
We were gone a long time as Bob had to pack and re-pack the bags several time as the sacred rule to put the eggs on top of the bag seemed to escape him. The Priestest from Fountain Of Delights took pity on poor Bob and assisted him.
We celebrated on the roof top of the Pilgrims Holding Facility after the long trek up the mountain(three flights of stairs) carrying the much needed supplies!
From 3:00 PM until about 6:00 PM we regaled in stories of previous pilgrimages to the sacred island inventing new events that never happened!
Brenda provided the local entertainment
At 6:00 PM, the sacred bells rang forth from atop the mountain meaning it was time to dine.
We walked… Some pranced…It was difficult to tell the difference
We all decided to celebrate Cinco de Mayo again thinking that meant honoring the five dances of May we plan for tomorrows celebration. We trekked down the mountain path (stairs) from the roof top to the Path Of The Commoners (Main Street) carefully heading to Maggie's Blue Rose for much needed food and liquid encouragement.
On our way, we visit the Sacred Air & Space Museum wondering around admiring the air and the space.
Maggie's got a little wild but we understood the High Priest was NOT on duty this evening so we continued acting like we normally do.
The menu said "We served the freshest meat on the island"….
Ron got as little excited…Bob survived
Stories were told around the campfire, well, OK...table candles! Plans for the rest of the evening were made!
Holy water flowed…well, like Holy Water…Only AFTER THE FACT (and courtesy of the local police department) did we find out it was really tequila. Hic! Burp!
The long day of fighting dragons, battling the seas, walking up and down the mountain paths many times left Sue and I exhausted so we returned to our chamber and watched a movie on the magic box. We needed our strength for tomorrows big events… The Green Field Homage Trek and later yearly celebration at the Temple of Dance! We put two pillows on top of the phone hoping to avoid embarrassing calls asking for alms to bail out the others.
Our sacrifice to the Gods Of The Dance was not having our tookies tonight…it was a tookieless evening.
The Sun began to show itself when the great timepiece struck 6 bells. The sound was deafening but the bells survived the impact one for time!
Bob Z and I had an appointment at the Great Healthfood Shrine (called The Pancake Cottage) where we made great devisions about the first meal of the day!
Contrary to its name the Great Healthfood Shrine, it served fruit, cottage cheese, various juices, and many other healthy alternatives…none of which we partook of! After all, today's first adventure was in the Sacred Green Fields Shrine and we had to be in tip-top shape! We needed meat and coffee.
Befitting our lower cast in life, we succumbed to temptation and had bacon wrapped bacon with rooster eggs on the side plus spicy tubers fried in bacon grease! We realize we will pay for this later but alas, without our women beside us, we be weak!
We ate to gain strength for the difficult tasks ahead!
We smile in the face of danger! Hot bacon grease can be dangerous!
We always smile at the Priests...makes them worry a lot!
Bob and I laughed and giggled and made other funny sounds so the proprietor wondered over and asked our age. Paul displayed this age roughly using the sacred sweat shirt of knowledge.
After breakfast, we prayed (paid?) at the alter of the Great Register and went back to the Pilgrim Holding Facility to sneak into bed so we can fake getting up when our brides awake at 8:00 AM. Done properly they would never know of our pre-dawn ritual experience. Although, after this many years they may be suspicious!
The Great Bell on the mountain side decided to place us in mortal jeopardy this morning as it sprang into life three minutes early…7:57 AM to be exact. Three minutes before we jumped into bed…just in time to wake the sleeping beauties.
When we said, using our newly found abilities to speak in tongues that we had just got up to visit the "gentleman's lounge". The ladies wondered why we were totally dressed with a jackets and hats on and smelled of bacon grease… I mumbled several secret incantations, waved my hands wildly, and said we needed to be at the Holy Sand Trap in just one hour and three minutes! Bob further spoke to Donna in tongues and Donna nodded her approval. Saved again!
We prepared ourselves for the journey to the Sacred Green Fields Temple grounds and the Sand Trap Shrine quickly. Before entering the Sacred Green Fields, one must pass alms to the priests who operate The Sand Trap Shrine…great quantities of alms were offered to the priests from which we received not only food, we got a lot of gas.
Holly went to get her drink and was refused, When she showed her ID, the proprietor said she had to be 21. He ID said 20.
She was allowed to only carry the sacramental wine
Bemoaning the fact she was refused service, Holly quickly pulled out her real ID indicating her real age. All of a sudden three boy scouts, two campfire girls, and four paramedics jumped into action to assist Holly in getting back to the table!
Holly posted her real age... We thought she was reliving her BINGO Calling job from the Elks lodge?
Great quantites of delicacies were ordered at The Sand Trap Shrine. It was a quiet and somber breakfast as the grease kept anybody from squeeking or squeeling with emotion as we devoured the delights!
Donna was on a fast in preparation for tonight sacred dance ceremony!
One of our flock suggested if you add the numbers, you got Holly's age…Hey were soon struck by a bold of lightning emanating from the Green Fields Temple high above us. The God's were watching!
Speaking of high above us…. the trek awaits us! The mighty staircase to the clouds offered new challenges and new requirement for oxygen bottles placed strategically along the pathway.
The Sacred Staircase on the way to the Green Fields Temple revealed much about the locals... we found offerings under the bushes!
Five until 11:00 AM, our appointed time of arrival at the Sacred Green Fields Shrine, we had to climb. The sacred stairs raised us in elevation from sea level to just above the clouds…in the short distance, nirvana..the entrance to the Green Fields.
Holly spoke to the Green Fields High Priest and got special magic sticks needed to hit the tiny white magic orbs….part of our test to reach the next level! Her balancing skills did NOT go unnoticed!
To pass through the Green Fields Temple Grounds, one must face nine carefully planned obstacles…each one offering a unique challenge to our collective talent.
Two hours passed while, to quote that old philosopher, Holly, "We Be Swinging And Swearing". Magic white orbs appeared and then disappeared. Little white orbs to the left...to the right...but NOT down the center! The magic sticks were swung in every conceivable direction…the swooosh of air passing the shafts was deafening! It was a scary two hours!
For seventeen years we have visited the Holy Green Fields and knew where the magic white orbs could be found (within a 100 foot radius).
During our trial, required in order to got forth and prosper later in the day and therefore be allowed to the Great Dance Hall, we were visited by the forest spirits. It was a dear encounter with the porta-priest…he apparently approved of our reverence to the Green Fields and departed as quickly as he came! Leaving not any offerings on the ground as we thought Bob's exuberance may have scared the brown deposits from him!
Only Holly showed irrelevance by saying "Come here dear"…She was forgiven! Bob, on the other hand, kept looking for Santa Claus and perhaps the wreckage of a sleigh…
With Bill & Holly, Bob & Donna, Sue & I we did the math and were amazing at our performances. At the end of the day, we over achieved. Normal pilgrims return with score cards around 36…we, on the other hand, achieved an amazing scores averaging about 110. We congratulated each other on a job done well. We left our mark on the Sacred Green Fields (and many trees and local wild life).
We passed the test at the Sacred Green Fields Temple leaving the grounds with a plethora of white orbs carefully concealed amongst the greenery and brownery we visited. With no visual bodily harm, but certainly some seriously deflated egos, and the pencil erasers, hot from over use, we returned to the Pilgrims Holding Facility!
Time for R&R…we went to the roof of our lodge and sang hymns to the Creator Of Alcohol and chomped cool chilly chips and devoured sacred vegetables…Brussel sprouts excepted (Bob didn't want to create a gas glut).
Carefully disguised as a flapper, Sam struck an imposing pose posing as an impossibly unflappable poser!
We offered the Brussel sprouts to the local God's but even they refused so Bob tossed them off the roof onto the peasants below! Some of the Brussel sprouts were tossed back up at us along with a couple of tomatoes. We were happy the pilgrims did not have pitchforks!
4:30 PM arrived quickly as were crossed the sacred street to enter the underwater world of The Bluewater Grill eatery where we did the unthinkable, we dined again!
Holly caught the moment with her "Soul Capturing Device"
Paul to send the "Soul Taker" (camera) around the table to capture the evidence should it be needed later in the eveing.
We are dressed formally in order to enter the Great Hall in the Sacred Temple of Dance… Many peasants, too poor to afford new clothes wore hand-me-downs from the 1920's and 1930's… poor souls!
In preparation for the dance, great quantities of drink were consummed and we toasted everything, with the exception of marshmellows which we saved for later on in the evening.
We enjoy learning from our elders and after a quick examination, Ron turned out to the the elderest this evening....with Paul a close second! We asked him about any "secrets" he has learned over the years...secrets that would gain us special access to the Sacred Priest of the Templae of Dance.
Little to our knowledge, the Sacred Priest has a unique cufflink collection and, not be be outdone, Ron brought with him his diamond encrusted cufflinks as an offering. The diamond dust was bright in the sunlight and the design was, well, let's say unique!
Ron brought his unique cufflinks as an offering to the God's of the Dance this eveing!
A toast to the man of the hour and his cufflinks! We shall all enter the Great Hall with unspeakable fashion!
The bewitching hour has arrived…6:00 PM sharp…time to make the journey to the Sacred Temple of Dance. We entered the hallowed halls making our way up the cement interior reaching the sacred chamber were 10,000 square feet of wood dance floor gleamed in the distance…Nirvana has been achieved!
We are stationed at the Sacred Seats Of Honor as we watched and partook in the festivities of the evening.
The program called for the dance of the Sacred Naked Nymphs/Sylphs and we had quite a situaiton as Ron, Bob, Sam, Bill, and Paul wanted to dance amongst the entertainers...cooler minds prevailed...the ladies insisted we stayed seated!
The procedure to reach the utmost level of Nirvana required the great line dance to be performed, often called the Conga. The requirement was to be able to count to three…only half our party were allowed onto the floor as the qualifying test was difficult. Bob and are are still working on it to this day!
Anxious to see High Priest of the Dance, Bill and Holly jumped into line and demonstrated the proper way to do the Conga. Fortunately, they were NOT spotted by the High Priest and therefore were NOT pulled out the line for human sacrifice…tonight, anyway!
CAUTION: Images below may NOT be for the faint of heart!
Bill was going to smile but he decided to count the steps instead! Bill did well, after 20 minutes he got the "1-2-3- Kick" down perfectly…He will be invited back next year to give instruction!
The "Chair Dance Conga" was performed by Sammy & Brenda…and elegant performance we might add! The God's will be happy tonight!
We heard "1-2-3 Ouch… 1-2-3 Ouch" then Brenda said something about "Point your feet the other direction, PLEASE"
By 9:30 PM, we were convinced our sacred journey was complete and we had offered the God's great amounts of energy as we danced wildly flailing our arms and moving our feet to the beat, without error I may add!
Via clandestine arrangements, we got Sammy to snap a photo of us dancing…sans the flailing limbs…Paul managed not to yodel the song being sung by the singer (say that twice)… The God's of the Dance were smiling (or encouraging us to leave quietly)?
Notice the lack of scuff-marks on our shoes, proving once again that steel toed shoes with built in bumpers are the only answer
It was decided, by a vote of those who were old enough to vote (laugh giggle giggle… in our group the ten of us were old enough to vote twenty-one times), that is was time to leave the temple and join the commoners.
Do we have to go...really?
We enjoyed a treat before returning to our home away from home. The Sacred Avalon Grill Shrine had many delightful choices, several of which were sans calories like the famous "Pine Float" or the "Cucumber Floaters" or the best, "Lemon Water".
Yeah yeah the gang's all here. Calories are being consumed by the bushel but we got a dispensation for tonight!
It was a great dance...the God's will be pleased! Donna recaps the evening for us...with great animation!
Donna can't believe we are drinking water…not even Holy Water…just water… Perhaps we had imbibed a tad too much this evening.
We hung around the watering hole until it closed...or ran out of water...we do not remember!
Bill relaxed a bit and began to describe his rendition of the Conga Line which was, to say the least, quite amusing.
The High Priest made us the "Designated Walkers" this evening so we had to escort everyone back to the Inn. It was a challenging and dizzying experience what with the vampire bats let loose at the end of the ball!
We took a breathalyzer test but alas, our breath melted the plastic so we decided the evening must come to an end
We crashed hard this evening for tomorrow brings another adventure… crossing the sea and return to home only to begin the waiting process for next years adventure!
It's a dark damp Sunday morning with clouds dropping liquid sunshine all over the streets but we are up and ready to face the return ride on our mighty 2,000 horsepower iron steed.
Can you find us in the photo?
The guys make an excellent decision, we ran between the raindrops that way we will not get wet.
The trusty internet weatherman says it will dry up by departure time and indeed it did…we were also dried up, a condition that must be remedied! So, we brokeout the champagne on the way back to stay hydrated… and hydrate we did! Bill and Holly decided to exercise and they were doing the splits in front of everybody!
Hydration experts practicing their skill!
Things got a tad wild as someone said pole dance and all of a sudden, Donna leaps onto the table declaring she is Polish!
Bob told her the truth and let her down easily.
We raced across the mighty ocean and the Dance God's must have been sleeping as the ocean was a smooth as glass…nary a bump for 65 minutes.
All smiles as we took turns recapping the most sacred of weekends….
Memories and stories were created only to be repeated next year with more enthusiasm while Donna checks for light-leaks!
We got back right on time and Donna & Bob joined us at CPK for a post trip luncheon…great fun.
After arriving home, I had to check my eyes for light leaks and after almost four hours of careful searching, I found not a single leak. Sue did the same. We were leakless.
We watched some TV and crashed but only after we rediscovered how to make our tookies! Our favorite yell… "Tookies At Ten". A wonderful weekend it was!