Technical Explanation
'Twas the nocturnal segment of
the diurnal period preceding the annual Yuletide celebration,
and throughout our place of residence, kinetic activity
was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential,
including that species of domestic rodent known as Mus
musculus. Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the
forward edge of the wood burning caloric apparatus, pursuant
to our anticipatory pleasure regarding an imminent visitation
from an eccentric philanthropist among whose folkloric appellations
is the honorific title of St. Nicholas.
The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their
respective accommodations of repose, were experiencing subconscious
visual hallucinations of variegated fruit confections moving
rhythmically through their cerebrums. My conjugal partner
and I, attired in our nocturnal head coverings, were about
to take slumberous advantage of the hibernal darkness when
upon the avenaceous exterior portion of the grounds there
ascended such a cacophony of dissonance that I felt compelled
to arise with alacrity from my place of repose for the purpose
of ascertaining the precise source thereof.
Hastening to the casement, I forthwith opened the barriers
sealing this fenestration, noting thereupon that the lunar
brilliance without, reflected as it was on the surface of
a recent crystalline precipitation, might be said to rival
that of the solar meridian itself - thus permitting my incredulous
optical sensory organs to behold a miniature airborne runnered
conveyance drawn by eight diminutive specimens of the genus
Rangifer, piloted by a minuscule, aged chauffeur so ebullient
and nimble that it became instantly apparent to me that
he was indeed our anticipated caller. With his ungulate
motive power travelling at what may possibly have been more
vertiginous velocity than patriotic alar predators, he vociferated
loudly, expelled breath musically through contracted labia,
and addressed each of the octet by his or her respective
cognomen - "Now Dasher, now Dancer..." et al. - guiding
them to the uppermost exterior level of our abode, through
which structure I could readily distinguish the concatenations
of each of the 32 cloven pedal extremities.
As I retracted my cranium from its erstwhile location, and
was performing a 180-degree pivot, our distinguished visitant
achieved - with utmost celerity and via a downward leap
- entry by way of the smoke passage. He was clad entirely
in animal pelts soiled by the ebony residue from oxidations
of carboniferous fuels which had accumulated on the walls
thereof. His resemblance to a street vendor I attributed
largely to the plethora of assorted playthings which he
bore dorsally in a commodious cloth receptacle.
His orbs were scintillant with reflected luminosity, while
his submaxillary dermal indentations gave every evidence
of engaging amiability. The capillaries of his malar regions
and nasal appurtenance were engorged with blood which suffused
the subcutaneous layers, the former approximating the coloration
of Albion's floral emblem, the latter that of the Prunus
avium, or sweet cherry. His amusing sub- and supralabials
resembled nothing so much as a common loop knot, and their
ambient hirsute facial adornment appeared like small, tabular
and columnar crystals of frozen water.
Clenched firmly between his incisors was a smoking piece
whose grey fumes, forming a tenuous ellipse about his occiput,
were suggestive of a decorative seasonal circlet of holly.
His visage was wider than it was high, and when he waxed
audibly mirthful, his corpulent abdominal region undulated
in the manner of impectinated fruit syrup in a hemispherical
container. He was, in short, neither more nor less than
an obese, jocund, multigenarian gnome, the optical perception
of whom rendered me visibly frolicsome despite every effort
to refrain from so being. By rapidly lowering and then elevating
one eyelid and rotating his head slightly to one side, he
indicated that trepidation on my part was groundless.
Without utterance and with dispatch, he commenced filling
the aforementioned appended hosiery with various of the
aforementioned articles of merchandise extracted from his
aforementioned previously dorsally transported cloth receptacle.
Upon completion of this task, he executed an abrupt about-face,
placed a single manual digit in lateral juxtaposition to
his olfactory organ, inclined his cranium forward in a gesture
of leave-taking, and forthwith effected his egress by renegotiating
(in reverse) the smoke passage. He then propelled himself
in a short vector onto his conveyance, directed a musical
expulsion of air through his contracted oral sphincter to
the antlered quadrupeds of burden, and proceeded to soar
aloft in a movement hitherto observable chiefly among the
seed-bearing portions of a common weed. But I overheard
his parting exclamation, audible immediately prior to his
vehiculation beyond the limits of visibility: "Ecstatic
Yuletide to the planetary constituency, and to that self
same assemblage, my sincerest wishes for a salubriously
beneficial and gratifyingly pleasurable period between sunset
and dawn."