Sophisticated Christmas
'Twas the nocturnal segment
of the diurnal period preceding the annual Yuletide celebration,
and throughout our place of residence, kinetic activity
was not in evidence among the possessors of this potential,
including that species of domestic rodent known as Mus musculus.
Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward edge
of the wood-burning caloric apparatus, pursuant to our anticipatory
pleasure regarding an imminent visitation from an eccentric
philanthropist among whose folkloric appellations is the
honorific title of St. Nicholas.
The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their
respective accommodations of repose, were experiencing various
subconscious visual hallucinations of variegated fruit confections
moving rhythmically through their cerebra. My conjugal partner
and I, attired in our nocturnal cranial coverings, were
about to take slumberous advantage of the hibernal darkness
when upon the avenaceous exterior portion of the grounds
there ascended such a cacophony of dissonance that I felt
compelled to arise with alacrity from my place of repose
for the purpose of ascertaining the precise source thereof.
Hastening to the casement, I forthwith opened the barriers
sealing the fenestration, noting thereupon that the lunar
brilliance without, reflected as it was on the surface of
a recent crystalline aqueous precipitation, might be said
to rival that of the solar meridian itself -- thus permitting
my incredulous optical sensor to peruse a miniature airborne
runnered conveyance drawn by an octet of diminutive specimens
of the genus Rangifer, piloted by a miniscule, aged chauffeur
so ebullient and nimble that it became instantly apparent
to me that he was indeed our anticipated caller. With his
undulate motive power traveling at what may possibly have
been more vertiginous velocity than patriotic alar predators,
he vociferated loudly, expelled breath musically through
contracted labia, and addressed each of the octet by his
or her respective cognomen ... "Now Dasher, now Dancer..."
et al. -- guiding them to the uppermost exterior level of
our abode, through which structure I could readily distinguish
the concatenations of each of the 32 cloven pedal extremities.
As I retracted my cranium from its erstwhile location, and
was performing a 180-degree pivot, our distinguished visitant
achieved -- with utmost celerity and via a downward leap
-- entry by way of the smoke passage. He was clad entirely
in animal pelts soiled by the ebon residue from the oxidation
of carboniferous fuels which had accumulated on the walls
thereof. His resemblance to a street vendor I attributed
largely to the plethora of assorted playthings which he
bore dorsally in a commodious cloth receptacle.
His orbs were scintillant with reflected luminosity, while
his submaxillary dermal indentations gave every evidence
of engaging amiability. The capillaries of his molar regions
and nasal aptenance were engorged with blood which suffused
the subcutaneous layers, the former approximating the coloration
of Albion's floral emblem, the latter that of the Prunus
avium, or sweet cherry. His amusing sub- and supra-labials
resembled nothing so much as a common loop knot, and their
ambient hirsute facial adornment appeared like small, tabular
and columnar crystals of frozen water.
Clenched firmly between his incisors was a smokingpiece
whose gray fumes, forming a tenuous ellipse about his occiput,
were suggestive of a decorative seasonal circlet of holly.
His visage was wider than it was high, and when he waxed
audibly mirthful, his corpulent abdominal region undulated
in the manner of impectinated fruit syrup in a hemispherical
container.
Without utterance and with dispatch, he commenced filling
the aforementioned hosiery with articles of merchandise
extracted from his aforementioned previously dorsally transported
cloth receptacle. Upon completion of this task, he executed
an abrupt about-face, placed a single manual digit in lateral
juxtaposition to his olfactory organ, inclined his cranium
forward in a gesture of leave-taking, and forthwith affected
his egress by renegotiating (in reverse) the smoke passage.
He then propelled himself in a short vector onto his conveyance,
directed a musical expulsion of air through his contracted
oral sphincter to the antlered quadrupeds of burden, and
proceeded to soar aloft in a movement hitherto observable
chiefly among the seed-bearing portions of a common weed.
But I overheard his parting exclamation, audible immediately
prior to his vehiculation beyond the limits of visibility:
"Ecstatic Yuletide's to the planetary constituency, and
to that self-same assemblage my sincerest wishes for a salubriously
beneficial and gratifyingly pleasurable period between sunset
and dawn."
