Real Rules Of Life
Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.
You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.
The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship "I apologize" and "You are right. "
Everyone seems normal until you get to know them
When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.
The only really good advice that your mother ever gave you was, "Go! You might meet somebody! "
If he/she says that you are too good for him/her--believe them.
Learn to pick your battles; ask yourself, 'Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day? '
Never pass up an opportunity to pee.
If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!
Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just might mean that the other person was right about you.
Work is good, but it's not that important.
And finally. . . Be really nice to your friends. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.