It's A Long Story.... Over Twenty Years
Paul was widowed early 2020 and was in a deep funk. After several months, Jan Mongell called and said he should call Dr. Mary Côté because she also was down low after her husband departed.
It was not a "date" but a chance to visit an old friend and talk about every one else in our dance club! Well, we hit it off. That was July 28th 2020 and one year to the day, we were married at the same restaurant we first met at!
This site covers us getting our households together, the marriage and a celebration we call "Dancing Under The Stars".
So, How Did We Get Together?
Back in the dark ages, the mid-1990s, Sue and I met Mary at several dance events and also at one of our dance clubs. We invited her to join our Santa Barbara Wine Train activity, and she and her husband at the time fit right in!
Mary often stopped by the old Phoenix Club on her way home Thursday nights to visit before going home to take care of Scout, the Wonder Dog.
In 2018, Mary was going through a divorce, and stopping by the Phoenix Club was a good way to visit friends and dance. Sue would always tell me, "Go dance with Mary before she goes home." Mary would leave after the first set, and another dancer or I would escort her to her car.
We talked about general topics, including the weather, family, and dancing. Mary knew all of our friends, and we knew hers! I found Dr. Mary to be captivating.
Riding The Rails!
In the 2010s, the "Santa Barbara Wine Train" generally did not refer to a single dedicated, year-round wine train like the Napa Valley Wine Train. Instead, it usually meant wine-themed rail trips or tour packages that used regular rail service—especially Amtrak's Pacific Surf liner—to bring visitors to Santa Barbara, where they would then visit tasting rooms or take shuttles/tours into wine country.
The wine train cars were vintage/restored cars from the 1940s and 1950s and fit right in with our gang.
Conductor Bill Hatrick owned and operated the cars and had an agreement with Amtrak to attach them to their scheduled runs.
We went on the wine train adventure for eight years, 2000-2017.
The train departed LA and headed north to Santa Barbara, where we had an entire afternoon to visit the wineries and do some serious tasting.
On the way up and back, everyone mingled and got to know each other. Sue and Mary always hit it off, having fun along the way.
I knew Mary was an MD, so this poor, lowly engineer passed along pleasantries over the many trips and, of course, discussed the next dance activity coming up.
We took the wine train several times over the years, and each time was fun, and we got to know each other better and better. Mary and Sue spent quite a while talking to one another while Bob Z and I went cavorting; Donna was resting.
The Wine Train ceased operating in 2018 because Amtrak reneged on its contract.
That summer, Mary invited us to her home for a BBQ on the hottest day of the year.
Again, Mary and Sue got to talk and share. Mary made sure that Sue could eat (Sue was a vegetarian — for medical reasons)
Catalina, Here We Come
While train travel is nice, we also got to know each other over many years at the Avalon Ball. The Annual Avalon Ball is a vintage-themed formal dance held in Avalon on Catalina Island, California, typically at the historic Catalina Casino Ballroom. The event celebrates the glamour of the 1920s and 1930s, with attendees often dressing in period-inspired evening wear.
It usually features live big band or swing music, dancing, and an elegant Art Deco atmosphere that reflects Catalina's golden-era resort history. The ball is popular with vintage fashion enthusiasts, swing dancers, history lovers, and visitors looking for a classic Catalina experience.
In short, the Avalon Ball is a nostalgic, upscale celebration of music, dancing, fashion, and Catalina Island's historic charm.
We would go over on Friday, come back on Sunday, and manage to stay busy the entire time!
Friday night, we would find a target restaurant, call them ahead to warn them, and then descend upon the establishment with lots of energy! Mary joined us several times, and she always had a salad!
We had 20 or more people enjoying each other's company.
Saturday, we went out for breakfast before we played golf with Bob and Donna.
Mary was off with friends from her vintage dancing group.
Around 2:00 pm, we would recollect ourselves for afternoon tea (make that wine!!)
We all went upstairs at the hotel and spent the afternoon drinking wine and performing amazing stunts that would shame a Hollywood stunt man.
Everyone stumbled into their room and magic occurred. The girls did their makeup and put on their gowns while the boys slicked back their hair (except for a few of us) and emerged wearing our penguin costumes!
After the magical transformation, we went to dinner. The restaurants were full of people in their vintage 1920s clothes. We always worked with the establishment's manager in advance to ensure we were served quickly, so we could walk over to the Casino without being rushed!
Once at the Casino, we would walk the concrete ramps to the main ballroom and listen to and dance to wonderful music from a ten-piece orchestra.
There would be several hundred people on the dance floor at one time.
I would find Mary, and we would go out for a turn around the room.
After the dance, we all went to the Italian restaurant, where we could cool off and work up an appetite for dessert!
The owner of the restaurant would reopen just for our group, and we had our nightcaps and regaled in stories from the dance floor.
We could drink a few since the hotel was next door.
So the punchline is, we knew Dr. Mary for many years. Further, all of our friends were our friends.
The next day, most of us would pack up and head for the pier for the trip home.
Dr. Mary stayed behind and went to the vintage beach-attire soirée!
When we got home, we would all go out to lunch at a local seafood establishment and/or a Chinese restaurant of our choice.
We would relive the weekend and begin plans for next year. It was doing an AAR (After Action Report) in the military!
It was usually around Mother's Day, so we had to head home quickly after lunch, as the kids usually had a plan which we needed to follow!
Things Changed
Sue's health was deteriorating, and by late 2017, strenuous exercise was no longer in the cards for us. We played limited golf but mostly stayed home, except for some dancing at the Buena Park Elks. We liked being with our friends, and Sue was comfortable with that situation.
Mary invited us to her home for a BBQ, where we met several of her friends (who, by the way, are also dancers, and we knew them well enough to say hello).
We had no idea where she lived, but it was only about 18 minutes from our home in Los Alamitos.
She had a beautiful home in a gated community, and we had a great time visiting with everyone!
As 2019 approached, Sue and I stayed closer to our home. We stopped traveling and stayed near the local medical facilities.
Tragedy Struck In February 2020
Sue's health was going from bad to worse. We were in and out of hospitals on a regular basis. The last social outing was at Old Rance Country Club on New Year's Eve 2020. Sue was unable to dance, but she held court in the corner of the dining room, surrounded by our family and friends.
A few days later, we had a run to the ER when she was hospitalized for almost two weeks. After that, she needed a 24-hour care facility, hoping that she would recover, but alas, on the morning of February 17th, 2020, Sweet Sue passed on.
The word devastating comes to mind. Thirty-four years in lockstep with my best friend, and all of a sudden I was alone. My family and friends provided amazing support during that time.
For several months, I closed myself off from the world, just dealing with the grief and keeping busy around the house!
My best friend Bob Zaitz would call all the time, and finally he ordered me out of the house for a lunchtime engagement at the Elks. I gave in and finally went. He and Bill Capps talked to me for quite a while, and I was convinced that I had to get out of the house.
I named the lunchtime meeting "Girls' Night Out," and we have been at the Elks every Thursday for the last six years!
Then A Miracle Occurred!
In mid-July of 2020, a friend called me and suggested that I might consider calling Dr. Mary. Jan Mongel informed me that Mary was alone and might like to go to dinner. I stewed on the thought for several days, then thought, "Why not? Mary has been a long-time friend and probably was not aware of my loss." Remember, COVID was starting.
The First "Date" Or Was It Just Inner?
So, with great courage, I placed the now-infamous call! Mumbling in my sexiest voice, "Would you like to go to dinner with me?" My mind heard, "Are you kidding, you lowly engineer!" but my ears heard, "Why yes, Paul, I would like that!" I had not been this nervous since junior high school. At 78 years of age, I am going on "a date"? Oh my, what have I done!
It was four days before D-Day (i.e., Date Day), so I went to Patty's Place to make a reservation, making sure we had a quiet corner where we could talk. While I was there, I chatted with the bartender and asked what I should do. The first words out of his mouth were, "Trim that overgrown bush around your face; you look like a wild man"! I was instantly terrified. How does one trim a beard?
Fortunately, I came in again the next day, and Chuck had bought me an electric beard trimmer. I read the instructions twice before ever powering it on! Later that day, I powered it on, and the rumble sounded like that of a 1962 muscle car on nitro. I visualized myself hiccuping and leaving a long bald spot right through the middle of the beard, missing my ear by a few micro inches.
The time had arrived, and I was there an hour early, going back and forth to the gentlemen's lounge, checking to see that every hair was in place. I asked her to call me when she left work and I would guide her in if she needed assistance. I asked what kind of car she had, and she said, "a red sports car."
A text arrived at 5:20 PM, saying Mary had just left the Long Beach VA Hospital and would call or text when she entered the parking lot.
The check and the owner were on board and ready to take us to our special table. I decided to sit out front and await her arrival.
While sipping my eight gin and tonic (not really), I heard the guys at the table next to me say, "Look at that car, wow!" I paid little attention until one said, "The heck with the car, look at the beautiful lady driving it!"
I snapped around, spotted Mary in her Lexus hot rod, got up to walk to her car, and, as I passed by the table they mentioned, said, "That's my date!" I am sure to this day they thought Mary needed glasses!
Since Patty's is well hidden in the business complex, I sent her a detailed map. She called and said, "I think I am nearby, and I am in a red car!"
Chuck was handed the phone, and he gave her the directions for the last 150 feet.
Saying she had a red car was an understatement. At first, I thought it was the fire department arriving! Well, after all, she is a captain!
Mary and I reminisced about the many dances, dance events, and wine train trips we had gone to over the past many years. Sue and I have known Mary for quite a while, probably meeting first at the Avalon Ball fifteen or more years earlier and then again as a Starlighters dance club member every other month. Mary is an ophthalmologist, or, for those like me who are scared of five-syllable words, an MD and an eye surgeon.
We jabbered for two and a half hours!
Little did I know she speaks English, Spanish, Russian, Swedish, and German while I am lucky to form a complete sentence. Chuck did the camera honors, but I had to move to Mary's side of the table for the shot.
We are both learning to cook more these days and had good laughs about not knowing the difference between a teaspoon and a tablespoon (me) and not peeling a winter squash before cooking it (Mary).
Mary visits Jan Mongell quite often as they are almost neighbors. Jan planned to make her an "Honorary Italian" in recognition of Mary's spaghetti-cooking talents.
We talked about traveling and cruising. Below, Mary describes a Mexican Cruise where she participated in a dance contest and showed the young girls how serious dancing is done! Great fun and a super evening, good memories, and we got updates on all the people we know in common.
I was surprised when Mary accepted my offer for another date! That was set for a few days later, on Sunday, August 2nd!
Time to get cleaned up, as I had a dinner engagement with Mary at her home at 5:00 PM. Mary, Sue, and I have been friends for many years, having met through dancing. She fixed a wonderful dinner, and we dined on her patio with Mr. Scout, her amazing dog.
We both miss dancing a lot! After dinner, we watched "Sleepless in Seattle," and while it brought back a lot of memories, they were good memories. It was a lovely evening, and we shared it with Jan M., who we called right before dinner.
I had not felt this giddy since High School!
We Spent A Year Getting To Know One Another!
We saw each other more and more often as the weeks passed and found it more difficult to be apart. We had so much in common that it was almost spooky.
Over the next year, we dated many times and even traveled together to Catalina and then to Sedona, Arizona. Every day was another discovery with the underlying message that we were meant for each other.
Please join us at our wedding!
