Ramblings
Where Miscellaneous Items End Up!
Ramblings Are Good For The Soul
Ain't it the truth!
Every once in a while I get an e-mail which touches my heart with its poignant
portrayal of a human truth. This is just such an e-mail. Enjoy!
Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to
stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have
dinner with.
There, doesn't that just touch your heart?
I Support Animal Rights
I really do
Poor Fishy
Little Nancy was in the garden filling in a hole when her neighbor peered over
the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely
asked, "What are you doing, there, Nancy?"
"My goldfish died," replied Nancy tearfully without looking up, "and I've just buried
him."
The neighbor was very concerned. "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't
it?"
Nancy patted down the last heap of dirt then replied, "That's because he's inside
your stupid cat."
Now Girls, Control Yourselves
$15 Porsche
A fifteen year-old boy came
home with a Porsche and his parents began to yell and scream. "Where did you
get that car????"
He calmly told them, "I bought it today."
"With what money?" demanded his parents. "We know what a Porsche costs."
"Well," said the boy, "this one cost me fifteen dollars."
So the parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a car like that for
fifteen dollars?" they said.
"It was the lady up the street." said the boy. "I don't know her name-they just
moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a
Porsche for fifteen dollars."
"Dear God," moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she
will do next? John, you go right up there and see what's going on."
So the boy's father walked up
the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly
planting petunias. He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she
had sold the Porsche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it.
"Well," she said, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought
he was on a business trip, but it seems he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary
and doesn't intend to come back. He asked me to! s! ell his new Porsche and
send him the money... so I did."
(Are women good or what?!)
Bite Me!
Until you put your hand down!
Humor Quotes
- “Through humor, you can soften some of the worst blows that life delivers. And once you find laughter, no matter how painful your situation might be, you can survive it.” - Bill Cosby
- “A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road.” - Henry Ward Beecher
- “Sometimes I lie awake at night, and ask, 'Where have I gone wrong?' Then a voice says to me, 'This is going to take more than one night.'” - Charles M. Schulz
- “Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things” - George Carlin
Blah Blah Blah
Blah blah blah
One Glass A Day
I always do what the doctor says... SometimesI do have to get a little creative.
The real problem is that most fine dining restaurants do not have glasses this size so I have to carry it with me.
A real glass
Regrets
- "When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us." - Alexander Graham Bell (Scottish born American Inventor and Educator, best known for the invention of the telephone in 1876. 1847-1922)
- &"The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone". - Harriette Beecher Stowe
- "Make it a rule of life never to regret and never to look back. Regret is an appalling waste of energy; you can't build on it; it's only for wallowing in." - Kathrine Mansfield
- “Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future.” - Fulton Oursler
- “Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.” - Sydney Smith (English Clergyman, Essayist and Wit, 1771-1845)br />
- “A man is not old until his regrets take the place of his dreams” - Proverbs
- “May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human enough hope to make you happy.”
Oops!!
There are days like this when you wished....
