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The French

Note: We bellieve there are a lot of French Citizens who appreciate the United States and this assessment is not of those fine people!

The ground war in Afghanistan heated up yesterday when the Allies revealed plans to airdrop a platoon of crack French existentialist philosophers into the region to further erode the morale of the remaining Taliban zealots by proving the non-existence of Koranic power. 

Elements of the famous, and feared, Jean-Paul Sartre Brigade will be parachuted into the combat zones to spread doubt, despondency and existential anomie among the enemy.

Hardened by numerous intellectual battles fought during their long occupation of Paris' Left Bank, and their sorties to  foreign battle sites at Columbia and Berkeley, the Brigade's first action will be to establish a number of outdoor cafes atstrategic points near the front lines. 

Once in place, they will drink copious quantities of over-brewed coffee and expound on the absurd nature of life and man's lonely isolation in the universe.  They will be accompanied by a number of unbelievablybeautiful young women. who will spread further dismay by sticking their tongues in the philosophers' ears every few minutes while looking remote and unattainable to everyone else.

The Brigade's leader, Colonel Marc-Ange Jean-Paul Belmondo, spoke yesterday of his confidence in the success of their mission. A graduate of the Sorbonne, Sandhurst and The Learning Annex, Belmondo, a very intense and unshaven man dressed in a black turtleneck sweater and a black leather trenchcoat, gesticulated wildly while speaking to a group of fawning reporters:  "The Taliban are caught in a logical fallacy of the most ridiculous sort!  There is no deity despite the Koran's assertion, and Ican prove it. -- Take your tongue out of my ear, Juliette, I am talking!"

Belmondo plans to deliver an impassioned thesis on man's nauseating freedom of action with special reference to the work of Foucault, Shel Silverstein and the films of Alfred Hitchcock.

However, several humanitarian agencies have been quick to condemn the operation as inhumane, pointing out that the effects of second-hand smoke from the Frenchmen's Gitanes could take a horrible toll on the indigent population.  "Yes, that and the cream sauces," noted one anonymous UN observer.

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